Sometimes, all some people want is for you to be a role: husband, wife, father, boss, son or friend. And that’s all. They aren’t interested you, your likes or dislikes,and so on.
As far as you play your role like an actor following his or her lines, they are fine. They’ll reward you. After all, that’s why we have the Oscars.
But the problem is, because they don’t see you for who you really are, they lose a lot. And this is sad, both ways . It deprives you of the opportunity to be a blessing to them while depriving them of a similar opportunity to be blessed by you.
In many mentor-mentee relationships this is very common. Blinded by shortcomings, or the personal need to understand their own selves, some people leave when they should stay; run away when they should stick around; judge when they should pray. And all of that.
If you’ve been blighted by such a gaff in any of your relationships, it’s the tale of most of human existence; that all of us, somehow, want to be loved for who we are, and not for the roles we play; for being a person, not a colleague or a driver or a mother or a step son; that we get noticed for the haircut or the new dress or the freckles that are strewn on our faces; to know that we can connect with you in a visceral way when you ask, ‘How are you?’ It appears that when we know this, that you truly care, then we whip out the person that we are—good or bad.
And yet, when striking up a conversation with any person for the first time, we often clutch at platitudes for follow up questions like ‘What do you do?’ or ‘Where do you work?’and answers like, ‘Oh I am an accountant’ or ‘I am a house wife’ not mattering who asks… or who answers.
We quickly look past the person to what they do or rather, what they can do…for us; never really bothering what we can do for, with and through them.
It’s a shortsightedness that almost all of us have been socialized by; to look past a person to their the commercial, social or emotional benefit without thinking; to look past ourselves to what we do, more than who we are.
You are not what you do for me or her or anybody. You are a person–with an essence. And if you ever find someone who focuses on who you are–your worth– you should never let them go.
May your week be blessed with victories.
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